Thursday, April 26, 2012

When To Say Something

Every day I go and meet Graham at his bus stop. And, everyday I visit with the same two ladies who are also there to get their kids off the bus.  Both are older than myself. One is a grandmother (although she acts and looks very youthful) and the other is a mom that is just an older mom. They are both sweet, sweet ladies. I really enjoy our 5 to 10 minutes a day that we see each other and chat together.

We don't hang out or do anything together past our bus stop meetings so while I could call them 'friends' they are not ladies with whom I really count as close.

For the past couple of months there has been some gentle ribbing as to when we "are going to have another baby". The other idea of theirs that keeps getting mentioned over and over is "If you had another one, I bet that  it would be a girl". I laugh along with them and say vague things like "Oh no! We are soo done with having kids." and "We have all we can handle right now."

I find myself lately wanting to honestly answer their teasing questions. I want to tell them that there will be no more little ones for us and why. I want to tell them all about Caroline.

The other day I got brave and wore my "Team Caroline" t-shirt outside. I just knew that they would be nosy and ask me what my shirt was for. I got really scared at the last second though and scooped up Griffin and held him to that side of my chest so that her logo was covered by him. Sure enough, they didn't notice and didn't ask.

Should I just come clean about the whole thing? What if the explanation takes longer than we have to stand there and wait for the kids bus? What if I start to cry and then all the kids get off the bus to me being a hot mess? What if I mess up our fun neighbor mojo with such a sad,serious topic?

What would you do?

14 comments:

Jayme said...

Oh that's tough. I'd tell them, but only because I can't keep my mouth shut. Once you get past the awkward part where they start saying sorry and apologizing like it's their fault and you are done saying 'it's OK' as if it ever really will be OK, it usually goes back to normal.

KERRY said...

I guess it depends on how much you actually want them to know about you. Some people assume if you have all boys, you want or need a girl and vice versa, it's just a thoughtless comment I think, or small talk! You could go the other way and tell them all about Caroline and that will make them think again before ribbing people on this specific topic :)

Kacey said...

That is a tough one. I hate when people ask these sorts of questions, they don't know the feelings that get brought up and you don't want to make it awkward. We had the same problem before we had James. You try to keep it light but it is annoying if they keep it up. It's up to what you feel comfortable with. Good luck. Thanks for your comments on my last couple of posts. I would love to see our little guys playing together and to hang out on your side of the world.

Kathleen said...

This is a tough one...I think you should just tell them next time they bring it up. It might be hard but they will stop teasing about more kids and it might be a load off your shoulders. Pray about it. The right words will come. :)

Kristy said...

I'm wittily say something, although that is easier said than done. I still find it hard to talk about Grant with people I'm close to. Something along the lines of, well we do have a beautiful daughter, she is just living with Jesus instead of here. I think it would help to stop the teasing that can be hurtful and you never know, it may be a great way to share God's faithfulness.

ccc said...

I have been pleasantly surprised by the reactions of people when I tell them about David. Some of them have been acquaintances like these bus friends are for you. And, the reason it came up was because they were asking questions of how many more? Or, they want to know how many kids I have. I think you should wear that t-shirt again (and don't put a baby in front of it!).

Tristan said...

tell them.
you will feel better in the long run,and wear your shirt!

Tesha said...

I read everyone's comment first....Because I don't know the right answer. I am really vocal about Jonathan...however it has gotten me some hurt feelings. I think you should tell them so they will understand and have some understanding. Just pray before you tell them that God would give you the right words. I am so sorry friend I Know how much those thoughtless comment sting. Hugs

Alida said...

I would say something...but that's just me. I told everyone who would listen. I made some friends and scared some off. But, I was rarely ever able to stay quiet especially when the subject of me trying again came up.

The Momma said...

I think if it were me, I'd say something, just because I think it would make me feel better. I don't really know how I would do it, but I'd try to come up with a way to do it.

That's not very helpful I dont think...haha

ginmommy said...

Me? I would tell them, "I did have a daughter...." and explain it in a semi fashion. No need to go into all the details, but there are ways to make things known. They have no clue, and are probably just trying to be fun, or make small talk, etc.

Dandelion Breeze said...

That's a tough one... I would wonder when to say something but I guess there's no right answer. Your heart will tell you when the time is right xoxo

Kristy said...

I have given you the One Lovely Blog Award. You can find out about it here: http://thebybeeblog.blogspot.com/2012/04/awardfor-me.html

Brittany said...

Gosh, Hillary. This is so hard. I would probably, graciously, mention that we had a sweet daughter who now is with the Lord, home, with Him.

I have a friend, Cindy, who also had these same comments and had to answer these questions. She also lost her baby girl at 23 weeks....yet has since adopted a little girl, Ella. However, before the adoption - she had 2 boys and people would say, "You need a girl!", or "Maybe next time you'll get your girl!" -- people seriously DON'T think about what they say!!!!!! :(

Check out her blog:
lovefamily-cindy.blogspot.com
She is so wise in these situations.

Love you and I know that Lord will speak to you and let you know the right timing.

 
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