Thursday, October 25, 2012

How To Be A Better Mom

So I've been struggling lately in my parenting. In particular...Graham. He's growing older and more mature everyday! Sometimes I find myself so hyper-focused on the little boys that I loose sight that his needs from me as a Momma are entirely different than theirs. Little brothers need noses wiped and toys fished out from underneath the couch... Graham needs a coach, guide, and mentor.

As we head into the pre-pre teen years I find him grumpier and moodier. This is usually the direct result of needing a break from being at school all day, needing a good snack, and needing a respite from his little brothers constantly touching "his stuff". More often times than not I waiver between completely loosing my cool with him and being "too nice" in an effort to help him over that one slump during the day. I wish I could find that happy middle ground mom spot to be. One where I was a disciplinarian in just the right way as to accomplish my goal that he grow up responsible and respectful while still being that awesome "fun mom". If you haven't notice by now I am having a terrible time walking this line.

I pray to God nightly that he gives me the wisdom to be the kind of Mom that my children need me to be the next day. I pray that I make the right choices, say the right things, and act the right way myself.

Today I came across an awesome blog that pretty much sums up all the things I'd like to tell Graham (and eventually the other two).

1. I love you! There is nothing that will make me stop loving you. Nothing you could do or say or think will ever change that.

2. You are amazing! I look at you with wonder! Not just at what you can do, but who you are. There is no one like you. No one!

3. It’s all right to cry. People cry for all kinds of reasons: when they are hurt, sad, glad, or worried; when they are angry, afraid, or lonely. Big people cry too. I do.

4. You’ve made a mistake. That was wrong. People make mistakes. I do. Is it something we can fix? What can we do? It’s all over. You can start fresh. I know you are sorry. I forgive you.

5. You did the right thing. That was scary or hard. Even though it wasn’t easy, you did it. I am proud of you; you should be too.

6. I’m sorry. Forgive me. I made a mistake.

7. You can change your mind. It’s good to decide, but it is also fine to change.

8. What a great idea! You were really thinking! How did you come up with that? Tell me more. Your mind is clever!

9. That was kind. You did something helpful and thoughtful for that person. That must make you feel good inside. Thank you!

10. I have a surprise for you. It’s not your birthday. It’s for no reason at all. Just a surprise, a little one, but a surprise.

11. I can wait. We have time. You don’t have to hurry this time.

12. What would you like to do? It’s your turn to pick. You have great ideas. It’s important to follow your special interests.

13. Tell me about it. I’d like to hear more. And then what happened? I’ll listen.

14. I’m right here. I won’t leave without saying good-bye. I am watching you. I am listening to you

15. Please and Thank You. These are important words. If I forget to use them, will you remind me?

16. I missed you. I think about you when we are not together!

17. Just try. A little bit. One taste, one step. You might like it. Let’s see. I’ll help you if you need it. I think you can do it.

18. I’ll help you. I heard you call me, here I am. How can I help you? If we both work together, we can get this done. I know you can do it by yourself, but I’m glad to help since you asked.

19. What do you wish for? Even if it’s not yet time for birthday candles and we don’t have a wishbone, it’s still fun to hear about what you wish for, hope for, and dream about.

I know that there is no instruction manual for raising good kids and that we all hope we're doing the very best that we can. My hope is that I can remember all of the above and instill in Graham just how wonderful, smart, talented I think he is!


The Momma said...

I love this. Your sweet Graham is 5 years older than my sweet boy, but I find my boy changing every day. Obviously 5 is still a LITTLE boy, but I struggle daily with being a good mom. I have no desire to be his friend, wait, that sounds bad. I'd like to be his friend, but I think it's my job to be his mom. I also don't want to be so strict that he completely rebels. It's such a fine line isn't it? I'll be looking to you for tips in the future for sure!! :)

Kerry said...

Oh Hillary I am so right there with you on this. I have found myself lately struggling with the same thoughts and feelings and worried that I may not be doing exactly what I should be doing, or how. It's tough at times being a mum, there is no instruction manual only our own intuition and knowledge. You are doing a wonderful job with Graham, that is reflected in his gorgeous smile! But I do get where you're coming from, if I had the answers for you I would definately share them but unfortunately I am just winging it over here too. I have an almost 13year old hormonal daughter who is driving me insane with her moods and it takes all my strength sometimes to not get angry, but I am guilty of it at times. Good luck to you on your journey xoxo

Tesha said...

This is such a beautiful list! It is so hard as kids get older to find the right balance. I think the first child is the most difficult simply because you do not know what to expect. I remember being so afraid jimmy would turn into a monster in the teen years. Three years in and nothing to scary yet:) but there are trying days of emotions and just not knowing what will help. For us My husband is the buffer, if things get bumpy between Jimmy and I he steps in. Your doing a great job Hillary, don't worry Grady and Griffin will be a breeze:)

Tristan said...

oh goodness..i just want to keep mine!
good luck :)

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