Monday, November 19, 2012


So if you fall into that shitty category of being in the BLM group you've had this experience or something similar to it. It's that moment that you just stop, stare, and then ask yourself... WTF. We've all had those craptastic moments of calls from your insurance company asking about the well-being of a child who is no longer alive or getting Huggies diapers coupons in the mail saying shitty things like "Congratulations on your newborn!" and you just want to shoot the people at your doctors office because how else would Huggies, Pampers, and Enfamil get you on their mailing list??

How is it possible to get slapped in the face so unrelentingly ? First you loose a child which is devastatingly enough and yet for MONTHS and even YEARS later you keep getting subtly or seemingly in my case not so subtly reminders of that perfect baby shaped whole in your heart.

If you will remember (I was going to add a fun link here but now I can't find that old blog post) my old OBGYN (who is the biggest ASSHAT in the whole world) kick started off this phenomenon at 6 weeks postpartum asking how my dead baby was doing. If you are new to my blog (or maybe just don't remember)  this is why he is no longer my doctor.

Over the past couple of years the reminder of my daughter's short life has been brought to the forefront in a variety of un-fun ways. (Don't get me wrong here ya'll, I love reminders of my daughter just the kind and gentle ones though...) Here is the most current shitty reminder.

How dare the universe (or whoever is responsible for this shenanigans) send ME and American Girl catalog with a little blonde girl on the front that is named Caroline??? When I checked my mail it seriously felt like someone had just poked me in the eye like 3 times. 

Pretty much right after that I announced that I was leaving to go to a little bit of Christmas shopping.

Retail therapy is the best ya'll.


The Momma said...

Retail therapy is the best. I can see how that would be a huge slap in the face. I am so sorry girl. Praying for you over the holidays!!!

Tristan said...

aw..goodness, my mag. brought such joy and your sorrows..and that is just not fair.


Trennia Hedges said...

(((HUGS))) sorry.I understand those slap in the face moments all to well...Just recently I was told "Oh, that poor boy has all those older sister's...then I get asked why didn't you try again so he could have a little sibling maybe you would have gotten lucky and had another boy!"...I then could not keep my mouth shut because my six year old son was looking up at me,with the expression of momma tell them! I said, Oh These are his four older sister's he also has older twin siblings but I miscarried them at almost 14 weeks along, and he is a big brother but his baby sister died 17 mintues after she was born and I would try to have another child and a boy or girl never matter... but after my daughter went to heaven I started hemorrhaging and had to have an emergency all my hopes and dreams of childbarring days are gone.The person just stood there with their mouth open as we was exiting the elevator.

Jayme said...

I hated that we got notices from our insurance company for over a year after Elora died in her name to let us know that they paid this bill or that one that the hospital submitted.

Kerry said...

Hugs to you sweet friend, that is not nice and not fair...xoxo

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