New Years Resolutions ~2011

It's that time of year again. The time of year when my brain goes into overdrive knowing that there are only a few short hours to come up with all of my New Years resolutions for the upcoming year and try to salvage last years list. Crap. Well, out with the old and bring on the new!

This year I figure that I deserve to have a small and completely manageable list of goals. Next year I'll get back to the unattainable and imaginary list (filled with things like loose weight and cook from scratch) haha!

But this year, my list will look more like this :

• finish reading all the books I've bought and not read
• find more ways to contribute income to my family
• use more coupons
• attend church with predictable frequency (like every Sunday)
• get more sleep
• relax more (right now anxiety and some OCD are taking over)

Right now I only need things that I can handle. This year I give myself permission to have  a realistic list and not shoot for the stars. Maybe this time next year I can look back at this blog post with actual pride and know that I did everything here!

Happy New Year!

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On a side note... if you get a chance hop on over to Jen's blog at http://www.jennepper.com/ . If you are not familiar her blog is called "Maybe If You Just Relax". She was expecting twin girls and had them at around 32 weeks I believe. Sadly one has passed. I'm sure she and her family would love all the love and support that they can get from sweet comments right now!

Kitchen Table Re-Do

This past August my husband and I moved from our old rent house to our new house! Such an exciting change prompted me to sell our old kitchen table on Craig's List with the hopes and dreams of getting something shiny and new and just down right gorgeous to spruce up our new to me  crazy out dated kitchen. Fast forward 2 months later and we were still eating off a card table. I still hadn't found the table I was looking for.

One evening my in laws showed up with a kitchen table that they had found for 50 bucks! It was old and needed help but I could see all the potential that it held.

It really was not in too bad of shape when I first got it. This is after several sanding episodes!

After the sanding I moved on to priming. I primed the table in about 4 coats. I started off really thin and wispy and moved up to thicker coats.



Is it me or is the table beginning to look worse in the process of looking better??

The final step was the one that I was the most worried about. I knew that I wanted to paint the table black to match the cabinets in our kitchen (that are not black yet, but will be!!). When I started, I truly anticipated that painting the legs and the funny connector thingy wold be the most difficult. That ended being the easiest. The hardest part was actually the top! It looks just ok. I'm not really sure that any more coats on my part will help the streaky light and dark marks I see. Oh well, my kids will just probably tear it up anyway.



Here is the finished product that my boys will jab their dinner forks into.

I love love love the colors red, black, and yellow...especially together! My MIL and I found these chairs at Pier One on clearance and I love how it all pulls together. I would love to find some cute chair cushions in yellow to add.



Can you see the yellow flower 1983 wallpaper behind the chair? That kind of yellow I just can't handle. Hopefully that will be painted a nice neutral tan in the crazy-near future!



Here is the table and chairs all together.

I still have a lot of work ahead of me. One project almost always spurs me onto another! Honestly right now its one the biggest things that keeps me sane. If my mind and body are both occupied it keeps the overwhelming sadness at bay.

I hope you enjoyed this little glimpse of my kitchen. There is much more to come as more projects come together!

Love,

Hillary



Frequently Asked Mothering Questions





How long will it take to get to drink this stranded, lonely, and now cold cup of coffee?



How long will it be before I can pee alone? (yes, picture actually taken from toilet :) )



How long will it take before ALL the Christmas toys get broken?







How much closer could they get to the tv before retinal damage occurs?





How long before I can make lists on elegant stationary?





How did I ever get so lucky?



Love,
Hillary
  





Caroline Elizabeth ~ Part One

So, I fear that in mentioning Caroline's ornaments yesterday I might have just opened Pandora's Box. With my blog being such a newbie and all I kind of wanted to ease into her. She is still (and always will be) such a big part of our lives right now. But the emotions that go along with her are still so darn raw and painful I can't bring myself sometimes to even bring her up. I want to include her story along with the rest of my family though. I'm just so torn both ways.

I knew that when I started this blog I wanted to use it to map out the story of our family. The good, the bad and most of the time the boring. I was also contemplating using this blog as hopefully a healing tool along the way. After Caroline was born I was so filled with hurt, anger, and a whole lot of bitterness. I didn't even want help. I couldn't look at any grief material the social worker brought to the hospital room, wanted nothing to do with any of the "self-help" grieving mothers books brought by kind friends, I wanted nothing. Now that I come to think of it, I still don't. Who knows...maybe next year, maybe next baby. I'm sure when I'll be ready to try to feel better.

I'm thinking that I might just gradually share her story...however it feels comfortable to me. Really thats pertty much how I'm rolling these days. Some days I just have to call my mom and cry on the phone endless repeating myself over and over to her and other days I'm feeling alright and the kids and I are off at the park having an awesome time for a while.

Truly the purpose of the blog is not for it to be solely about fetal loss. But, please bare with me, some days it might seem like it.

Caroline's birthday is October 15, 2010. For a couple of days prior I had been feeling somewhat flu like and just really tired. On October 13th I had actually gone over to labor and delivery at the hospital because I was spotting just a little bit. Usually this is really not a big deal during pregnancy. But, I just didn't feel that things were "right". I had told the triage nurse that I thought that I was loosing my mucus plug and I felt like I was "trickling". Once again I was told that this was "no big deal". She said that I would "get another mucus plug" and that urinary incompetence was natural for ladies that had already had babies.

Looking back now I see that I should have never accepted her explanations. Right before they discharged me she told me that all I needed to worry about was a fever greater than 101. Guess how long it took for me to run a fever of 101. Fast forward 36 hours to Friday October 15. I went to see my regular OB/GYN to tell him that I was worried that I had gotten the flu. I felt terrible by then. I told him pretty much what I had to the Labor and Delivery nurse and he started to look concerned immediately. As I laid back on the exam table he pressed on my stomach and there was a small gush. I knew it was all over then. He did a super quick ultrasound to check what we both knew was happening. My water had broken at 21 weeks.

It was a high leak and that's why it seemed that it was merely urinary incontinence. The "flu" that I had was an amniotic fluid infection. The doctors office is connected by a bridge to my hospital and they wheeled me over in a wheelchair. That's when I was admitted to Labor and Delivery.

Christmas ornaments for Caroline

This year we acquired some new ornaments for our tree. They are for our sweet baby girl in heaven...

I immediately chose this one when I saw it because its the one emotion that I feel like has kept my husband and myself going this season. We cling to HOPE that we have in God, in our future, and for our beautiful earthly and heavenly children.

This picture came out way too dark but below the pearl in the shell is says "Every life leaves something beautiful behind". That right there says it all about sweet Caroline Elizabeth.

Love,

Hillary 

Kindred Kindle

This Christmas my husband got me an Amazon Kindle as my gift. I absolutely could not be happier with him! In some of the past years his gift choices have been pretty hit or miss. This year he hit the nail right on the head.

What? Built in Wi-Fi? Store 3,500 books? Books that are sometimes a quarter of the cost? SIGN ME UP! All joking aside I really love it. I've already uploaded 3 books and have read half of one and it could not be more easy or fun to use. Space is at a premium in our house and with no bookcases this really is the most logical choice. Hope everyone had a great Christmas weekend!

Love,

Hillary

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas from the Mueller family!

Well, so far we have survived the day. My husband and I were cracking up this morning waiting for our kids to wake up. We looked and felt totally stupid. Last night I had Bobby set our alarm clock for 7 am this morning thinking that our kids would probably be up long before then but oh well, at least we would be prepared. I knew that this year, like most years, he would have our video camera going and I would be flashing the camera like crazy. I just didn't want to be ill prepared (read still in crappy pajamas with mascara schmered under my eyes). So, my husband and I sit in our living room totally expecting the maelstrom to begin and what did we get? Nothing. Not a peep from our kids. We pretty much sat there like retards in our Christmas shirts staring at each other. It was quiet as a tomb (if tombs had the sounds of coffee being slurped). Eventually one finally wandered down and we went and fetched the other. It really wasn't too long before chaos ensued. Last night I did have the brains to take a before picture. I also took an after picture so I won't have to list what the boys got.

Here is the house at about 11:30 last night.

And here it is again at about 8:30. Bobby, Graham, Grady and myself had a great time this morning.

After some lunch today we all decided that it was time to fill in the death-trap ex-coy pond that we have in our backyard. The previous owner of the house had a nice pond built. At the deepest its around 5 feet and that was enough to induce me into a panic attack thinking about our 2 year old falling in. So we made it a sandbox!

Exhibit A: Death Trap

Overall the day ended up being really relaxing and fairly low-key. We had dinner with Omi and Opi (Bobby's parents) at our house and called it an early night! More to come on the 3rd day of celebrating Christmas tomorrow!

Love,

Hillary

Christmas Eve - Part 2

Finally this afternoon, after all of us staying in pajamas almost all day, we lugged our lazy bums into showers (for the larger lazy bums) and baths (for the smaller lazy bums) and headed out to church. Can I just say how much I love our church? Practically one of the first announcements made was to the effect of "this is a family church service and we welcome any joyful or otherwise noise from the children". God bless our minister 'cause sometimes my kids are heathens! If I had not personally witnessed both of their births even I would have thought that they were raised by wolves! Ha! Anywho, all the other noise coming from many other little mouths totally covered those coming from my offspring so for once we had it made at church!

After the church service we headed over to my blessed sister-in-laws house for Christmas Eve dinner. Here is a woman who is quite possibly braver than my minister when it comes to tolerance for loud children. She bravely and warmly opens her house to not only her 3 boys + my 2 boys but her brothers 2 boys and newest little girl. She is either a glutton for punishment or a saint. I'm leaning towards saint. She fed us all and let our kids tear up her house and not ours! I'm pretty sure that was our Christmas gift from her this year (just kidding Melanie) :) .

So now here I sit waiting to make sure the house is completely quiet before I make my move on the stockings and gifts for under the tree. There was some discussion from Graham that he "wanted to sleep on the couch tonight" and "I'm gonna stay awake in bed and listen for clattering on the rooftop". I'm stressed right now knowing how much more I have left to do tonight but I know that this time next year could just be the year that Graham doesn't believe anymore and that's going to be a much worse feeling.

Merry Christmas!

Love,

Hillary

Christmas Eve...The Most Confusing Day of the Year

So around our house Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are both looked upon with great reverence by our oldest son Graham. I'm sure by this time next year Grady will be following in his brothers footstep of just how magical these two days are!

Along with all the magic that these two days produce there is also some confusion. You see, around our house not a present is opened until Christmas morning (unless its Christmas PJ's for the kids that I totally forgot to buy this year). In the count down to Christmas my oldest son is forever asking, checking, double-checking how many days left 'til its time to open his gifts. All the confusion begins when we explain that Santa comes on Christmas Eve BUT nothing gets opened until Christmas Day. To someone so desperate for a Nerf gun the size of my car this is a concept he simply can not wrap his head around!

Now that we have finally arrived at magical day #1 things should get easier for him. Now if he would stop begging to open a gift early things should get easier for me...

Welcome to the Mueller Family!

Hello and warmest welcomes to our family's newest adventure! Blogging! My fondest hope for this endevor is to capture all of our family moments together. Between raising our 2 boys (Graham 8 and Grady 2), jobs, hobbies and everything else that life throws at us, I find that we (and by that I mean I) are having a hard time with how ridiculouly fast life has been flying by!

The uber-lofty goal I now set for myself is to start this online diary for not only myself but for my famliy and eventually my friends as well. I would love to look back many years from now and be able to see every single exciting and mundane day that I had with my awesome husband and kids!

This blog has been something I have been thinking about starting for quite a while now. Like...A...Year. I really figure that it now or never! I really enjoy reading tons of other blogs including my amazing sister-in-laws. I have been thinking of all the random things that I'd love to ramble on about and what other great way to do it is there?

So.... with out further ado... Here we are! Hillary, the stay at home mom, love of her husbands life and mother to 2 crazy boys. Bobby, the hardest working light-bulb salesman I know :), love of his wife's life and greatest Daddy alive (if you take into account the screams of glee that emanate from the boys when they hear the garage door go up at 6 pm). Graham, our great 8 year old, the kindest kid on the block, hardest working kid at school, and best friend anyone could ever have. Grady, the terrible 2 year old, i hope he makes it to 3 year old, with a 1000 watt smile.

And there you have it. Oh we also have Crash the dauschund. But that friends is a whole 'nother post!

Love,

Hillary