Monday, April 4, 2011

The Lengths That I'll Go To For This Baby...

This past Friday I did the craziest thing that I thought I'd never do. Something I thought that I'd never remotely have the guts to do. Something that scared the crap out of me.

I changed my OB doctor.

I have been crazy unhappy with him for some time now. I have been seeing Dr. T. for 10 years. He delivered both Graham and Grady and would have delivered Caroline but was gone for his fathers retirement party (although he did say that he would have if he didn't already have plans set).

 I realized after Caroline was born that this man whose patient I had been for 10 years didn't have a clue who I was. I'm sure that he vaguely recognized me when he walked into the exam room but that was about it. Part of the problem is that I'm sure he very busy. The other part of his problem was his lack of "bedside manner".

The moment that left me completely speechless and confirmed my worst suspicions was at my 6 week post-partum check-up after Caroline was born. Bobby had gone with me and I swear I was inches away from one of the worst panic attacks ever. Dr. T. popped into the room and said...

"Hows the kiddo doing?"

I remember looking at Bobby and trying not to cry while saying " Ummm... she died, remember?"

He was immediately contrite and mumbled a thousand apologies. He didn't remember me. He didn't even glance at my chart before walking in (other than to see the  "post-partum visit" label.

I was horrified. His odd behavior continued. When he confirmed at my very first baby checkup (at 6 weeks ) that I had had a Beta Strep bladder infection he told me that I needed to give a urine sample at ever visit to make sure that I (and the baby) stayed healthy and safe. He wanted to be able to catch the infection before it spread like last time and we lost another baby. For the past several visits I have always given my sample in the little sterilized cup and then reminded the nurse that while I didn't have any symptoms I needed to be checked for infection. I truthfully never expect the nurse to remember but twice now Dr. T had walked in asking why I was asking for my urine to be tested for infection. I've reminded him twice now of the protocol that he wanted me to follow.

Ummm... not to downplay my own intelligence but I'm not a doctor and I have no medical training so why am I in charge of my own care??

I tried to kid myself for a while saying "It's ok Hillary if you have to say something every time." " You are just being a good proactive Momma." and "If you don't be an advocate for yourself then who will?" It was the last thing I told myself that made me take the plunge and call my doctors office. I can advocate all day long for myself but if things take a turn for the worse again I'm not qualified to diagnose or treat myself. I would be the one to blame for staying with a doctor that wasn't giving me or the baby the best care possible.

I called on Friday and spoke to the appointment desk and asked for a new appointment with a specific doctor in the same practice that I had heard wonderful things about. Seriously, like 6 people I know see Dr. M. and they all love her! So, sight unseen I changed to her. The lady taking my call seemed concerned at first but then switched me and seemed really kind after a while. She told me that she would have to leave a note for Dr. T. to let him know that I would not be his patient anymore. This made me slightly nervous but then I just told myself that "He wouldn't remember who you were anyway so what does it really matter!"

My first appointment with Dr. M is going to be April 29th so I'll let ya'll know then how things are going.

Am I just a crazy person or would you have done the same thing?


Anonymous said...

Hi Hillary! I just found your blog this morning through a friend's blog. You have a sweet, precious family and reading your words has been so encouraging!

I am a labor and delivery nurse and, without a doubt, you made the right decision to change doctors. Don't give it another thought. There are too many wonderful doctors to not have one of them take care of you!

May God bless you and your dear family!


Tristan said...

that is ridiculous!!!!

good for you for getting a new deserve the best!!!!

my camera is nothing too fancy, its a kodak high have photoshop though..thats what makes my pics!!

Michele said...

I was fortunate that my OB knew me; I cant imagine a situation like you described! I totally would have changed docs!!

Melanie Mueller said...

Yes--you absolutley did the right thing! I am soooo glad you changed. I know that I have been bugging you to make the switch but I also know how uncomforatble that is to do. So good for you for doing it. You deserve the BEST care and I know you will get it with Dr. M. She is awesome!!!!!

ccc said...

Yes, you made the right decision. It is so hard to work up the courage to change doctors, especially if you have been a patient for awhile. I had to do it with a pediatrician years ago--best move ever!

New Year Mum said...

Absolutely... you made the right decision :)) If he can't remember what happened to Caroline and you at your 6 week check (or read your chart before seeing you) then he doesn't deserve you as a patient. You have every right to change to another doctor and find someone that you can work collaboratively with every step of the way. Good on you for standing up for what you feel and making the move. Your child is precious and deserves the very best of care with you - both medically and emotionally. Think of you often... love always xoxo

Jayme said...

You totally did the right thing!

Anonymous said...

Found you through Tater Twins...I feel you did the right thing. You just don't treat patients like that. I hope you have a better relationship with this other OB.

I'd have dropped him too. I dropped my OB, who I had known since I was 6. He had held my hand through a few losses, and 2 years of infertility. He delivered both my brothers, and was supposed to deliver my second, but he wasn't on call that day. No prob. But I fought and fought with him my 3rd baby, because I was still bf'ing my 2nd, and he didn't like it. Suddenly my BP is an issue (it wasn;t) and I'm going to have PTL (which I never did, with any of my babies). Now when I ended up having my 3rd in the van on the ay to the hossy, I came to his office a week later, and he started LOUDLY scolding me in the hall, in front of staff and other patients, that I missed 2 appointments (ummm, yeah I called and cncelled an NST, and the other appt, I was IN THE HOSPITAL because I had just has a baby) If he had paid attention, he'd have known that. Then he berated me for delivering my child myself. Umm, couldn't help it!! I never went back.

Anonymous said...

Totally would have done the same thing especially for Dr. M! She is truly amazing. And always make you feel like a friend rather than a patient and doctor. You wont regret it! ~Laura

Betsy Lauren said...

My situation is alot like yours. I lost my twins at 20 weeks due to my water breaking way too early. Last week when I went to the dr. (for the second time in one week) she walked in and said, "I see that you had twins in November? I bet they keep you on your toes." I said ummm remember I was in here two days ago and told you they died due to twin to twin transfusion. She was like oh yes that's right! I almost fell off the table!

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