Things That Don't Go Bump In The Night

I've been making myself crazy lately worrying about feeling the baby move. I know in theory that it's much later in pregnancy that you feel your baby move. I think average is what, 18 weeks? I have no idea. I swear that I have felt all my kids like ca-razy early. Graham I felt at 13 weeks. Grady (I swear to God) 11 weeks, Caroline was 12 weeks, and this so far mystery baby at 13 weeks. (I think that I had posted before that the sonogram tech gave me the total shifty-eye when I told her about feeling the baby move. She said that it was really pretty early for that. I'm fairly certain she didn't believe me.)

I am now going through days of where its awesome and I think I feel the baby move like every 2 hours! I am so excited and filled with joy! Then the next day happens and its like zilch, nada, less than nothing and my crazy brain starts filling with dread and despair. I wake up the next morning and feel that oh so loving little POP! in my lower region and I am once more filled with hope! All to be let down yet again by not feeling anything for the next 48 hours. If this hormonal emotional roller coaster continues much longer I may need to be committed a la Catherine Zeta Jones.

I've been trying to remind myself that during every pregnancy at this stage of gestation I have worried about my babies. I have always thought that something was wrong, that they weren't moving enough, ZOMG something bad has happened!! And at this stage of gestation I was wrong every time.

I feel as if everything has changed this time around. With the premature birth and subsequent death of Caroline I feel as if I have lost that one grain of hope that I usually had left in me that everything was going to be fine. I now realize that sometimes everything is not fine. And that has me even more worried.

I have been praying multiple times a day now. When I do feel a tell-tale POP! I quickly say a thanks to God that the baby is still here with me. I can hardly wait for the next couple of weeks to pass where I will be able to feel the baby move with more certainty and frequency! I also thank God that I'm under the care of a couple of wonderful doctors that I can see on average 3 times a month instead of just once.

How far along were you when you first felt your baby(s) move?