A Night With Caroline And Griffin

I had a dream about Caroline last night. It was my first and only one so far since she left us. In the early days after her passing I spent most night with my best friend Ambien and I'm sure that prevented any dreams that might have come. I'm grateful for it. I could not have handled any dreams of her then. 

I almost couldn't handle the dream I had last night. I guess I could tell you the long and winding version of my dream but it was all so bizarre that it almost didn't make sense to me so I'll save you from having to read all about it. Sufficed to say, she was ALIVE! And I got to hold her ALIVE! She didn't have that too tiny to live look about her (if you've lost a child you know what I'm talking about). She still looked small to me in my dream but not sickly small. She looked like a real baby. Like how I would have loved and give my right leg to see her look. Her little eyes were open and not still fused shut. She was soo beautiful! I knew in my dream that she would still pass away but I was able to hold her in my arms and not my womb when she passed. 

I don't remember how much more I dreamed because the next thing I knew I could hear Griffin on the monitor. I crept up to his room and as I entered it I could see his beautiful little smiling face. The little stink was wide awake and calling for me :). Bless his heart, when I scooped him up he had leaked out of his diaper and through his jammies and swaddler. As I changed him on his changing table (for some reason his favorite place to be) he continued to smile and coo at me. I can not tell you how HEAVEN SENT these moments were! I went from the confusion of a welcomed nightmare into such unconditional love and devotion from my earthly baby!

As I rocked and nursed Griffin back to sleep I said a silent prayer of thanks to God for the moments he provided me with my 2 babies that night.