Friday, March 9, 2012

Caroline Elizabeth and Ashley Elizabeth

I received a great Facebook message yesterday :). It was from one of my dearest friend's Momma.

I just wanted to share something special with you. I had a dream about Ashley. Maybe I should say Ashley came to me in a dream, which she often does. In my dream she was playing with Caroline Elizabeth and taking care of her. Caroline was laughing and smiling. I woke up with the greatest sense of peace and happiness. In my heart I felt like Ashley was telling me to tell you that Caroline is happy and she is taking care of her for you. I hope this doesn't upset you. I prayed about it before telling you so I hope I made the right decision. I think of you so often and I'm so proud of all the things you've done to honor your daughter as I have tried to honor mine. We have that in common. I will never let Ashley's memory die and you'll never let sweet Caroline's memory fade. It makes some people uncomfortable but that's their problem not ours. Some people don't understand how important it is to remember our loved ones who have gone to Heaven and it's very hurtful. I had a bad experience last week that hurt me deeply. I also had a wonderful experience helping some parents who lost their son, which we have done often since we lost Ashley. It helps us to help others who have gone through the same thing. I sense that you've reached out to help others too and I'm so proud of you. Sending my love and hugs to you. I hope this doesn't upset you, but gives you peace. I know Ashley has come to you too or I wouldn't have mentioned it. Love you Hillary! Linda




When I was in college (many many years ago :) I met the most amazing girl who quickly became my very best friend. We were roommates for years! We went through thick and thin together! She was one of the maids of honor in my wedding. In 2001, 3 weeks after my wedding she was shot and killed while driving down the road. Her nightmare is here.

To say that I was devastated is an understatement. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and was beyond depressed.  My very best friend was gone overnight. 

I still remember the morning that I got the news. Bobby and I were happy newlyweds that had just moved. We were living in a rural area with almost no cell phone service and a home phone line that had not yet been set up. A sheriff cruiser pulled up to our home to tell me. I wanted to vomit on the spot. 

Its been 11 years now and I still think about her almost everyday. I saved every picture of her and every funny note or letter she ever sent me. I miss her so badly. Every big event in my life I want and need to share with her and can't. I hate it. 

When we had our little Caroline, Bobby and I quickly decided that our little girl should have the same middle name as my bestie. I thought that there could be nothing better for the two to share (other than Heaven :) as names!

Ashley's birthday is coming up this next Saturday (St. Patty's Day!) and I've been thinking about her a lot. I was beyond excited to hear from her mother and to learn of her dream. It's always been my wish that they were together. :)

College days! :)



18 comments:

Tristan said...

i don't even know what to say.

very beautiful to think that they are enjoying Heaven together.

Tesha said...

Hillary I am in tears I am so sorry for all the pain you have had to endure. I can not imagine the pain.
Do not discount yourself my friend,
Linda is right you have reached out and have help. I left countless comments on BLM blogs very few responded....I don't blame them this path feels like HELL sometimes. You however you took the time to encourage me to give me hope that I will be better, will laugh again. That's it ok to smile. Just seeing your smiling face on my follow button makes me smile. I appreciate your honesty in your post about Caroline, it was so helpful to read, to say I am not crazy and I am not alone. YOU ARE A BLESSING! I am so blessed by your testimony and family. No matter where you think you are at in this journey of grief, I assure you are helping others. Just living on is encouraging and you have done so much more that that! A million thank yous sweet lady you have blessed this hurting mama's heart.

The Mama said...

Hillary, that note that her mom sent you was so touching. What a sad story, and I am so sorry you have had to go through this. I agree though, I am sure that Ashley is watching out for Caroline in heaven! What a joyous reunion that will be one day for the 3 of you!!!

The Anglin Family said...

Thanks for sharing, sweet friend. That was the sweetest letter from Ashley's mom. How thoughtful of her to reach out to you like that and let you know she thinks of Caroline too.
That is such an awful tragic story and I'm so sorry you lost your friend...I'm very sure Ashley is taking care of Caroline for you. And ironically, you may already know this but my friend Mary Elizabeth died in the hospital after surgery complications at 28. Ryan Elizabeth was buried on her bday. I think there are lots of sweet Elizabeth's in heaven. ;)))) hugs Hillary!! <3

Amy said...

I love looking at all my old pictures of all of us but it make me sad. I'm glad we have the memories though-- wouldn't trade that for the world. I often wonder what I would have turned out like if I hadn't met Ash...
I loved the note from Linda. I'm glad we can all stay in touch still after so many years. Love you girl!

ginmommy said...

Wow! What a story. Beautiful and sad. But I'm glad you shared it with us. :)

KERRY said...

Oh Hillary I have goosebumps!! What a tragic loss of a beautiful girl, I am certain you and so many others miss her. So sad.
Her mother sent you the sweetest message, I hope it gives you a little peace.
Thanks for sharing, hugs to you xoxo

KERRY said...

I just read the article, heart breaking, sickening, horrific. Sorry :(

Bethany Lenhart said...

I can't even imagine going through the loss of a dear friend like that. It is truly eye opening and makes me not take my life for granted. I am so sorry.

Linda said...

My Sweet Hillary,
I'm crying as I type this. What a beautiful tribute to both of our girls! Ashley loved you dearly as I know she loves Caroline. I was so concerned about sharing this with you. Now I'm so happy I did. I think it was what I call a "God Thing." Sometimes things happen in our lives that aren't coincidences...they're "God Things." Even now, Ashley is making us smile and "leaving her footprints on our hearts." From reading the comments I see you've helped other Moms which makes me so proud of you. Paying forward the love we share with Ashley and Caroline is the greatest tribute to them. I love you! Linda

NewYearMum said...

So beautiful to think of them together... but wish they didn't have to be so far away from you. One day you'll all be together again. Lovely that your friend's mum told you her dream xoxo

Beth Ann said...

Oh my goodness...lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. How precious. I have NO DOUBT that they are together in Heaven! How awesome to know that. What a tragic, tragic thing that happened to your best friend. Unbelievably awful. So very sorry for the unthinkable losses you have had to endure. The way you go on with your life loving your boys and encouraging others (like me!) with your sweet comments, etc. is very inspiring to me! I am sure you blessed your friend greatly by being a good friend to her while she was here.

Melanie Mueller said...

WOW- that is an awesome dream and a sweet email from Ashley's mom. I teared up reading it! Love you so much and am so sorry that you have had to go through these two terrible losses. I have complete confidence that Ashley is holding Caroline and the are watching over you from Heaven! Hugs, hugs, hugs!!!!

Nancy said...

I always read your comments on the "A" team blog & think you are so funny! I don't know why I haven't hopped to your blog before.
What a precious post this is & you definitely have a new reader in me. I hope you have a blessed weekend full of fun & sunshine.

Holly said...

Oh my gosh. What an horrific thing to have to deal with. I cannot imagine having that happen to me or my best friend. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Tesha said...

Hi Hilary I already left a comment on this one but I don't care...Just wanted to say and that for your encouragement my sweet friend. I really wish you lived in CA.--by the way EVERYONE lives in TX, so it seems LOL. Saying a prayer for you today.

Candance said...

Oh, Hillary, I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out right now thinking about Ashley playing with your Caroline Elizabeth and how she played with my little Grace Elizabeth when we were in college. What a beautiful tribute to two beautiful girls.

Jayme said...

My best friend- we met at age 3!- was killed when we were juniors in HS. I have had a couple dreams where she's mothering my babies in heaven and it really makes me feel so much better knowing they're together.

 
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