Tuesday, November 15, 2011

There Will Always Be Reminders

Yesterday I was doing some minor stuff in what will soon become baby Griffin's room.

When we first moved into this house a little over a year ago I knew I was pregnant with Caroline (but didn't yet know that she was a girl). I just started the bad habit of tossing baby/pregnancy things that I would need up into the top of the spare bedroom closet. There is sooo much stuff up there and it stated to make me crazy yesterday. I started pulling things down that I knew that Griffin could already use and found this...





It arrived in the mail with some pajamas that had been ordered for Grady. They are a size 6 months and all of Grady's that had been ordered were a 3T. It was not on the packing slip at all. I have to admit that I am a little superstitious. I was about 20 weeks along by this point and knew that we were expecting a little girl. I couldn't wrap my head around why God or the Universe was sending me something in blue. I was already having very bad feelings and soo many premonitions about the outcome of her pregnancy (just as a refresher for ya'll, we lost her a week later). I thought to myself why was I being sent something that had not been ordered and was the wrong color for us to even use in the future?

I saved it even though it terrified me. I still had a bad feeling that I would be using it in the future but just not for the baby that I was carrying. Little did I know at the time how right I was.

Yesterday I pulled this little fleece outfit down from the top of the closet, pulled it out of the original plastic packaging bag, and hung it on a little hanger in Griffin's closet. I was horribly sad for a while until I came to the realization that I will forever be confronting things that remind me of Caroline and her loss. I made the conscious choice to be grateful for these times. It's in the remembering of her that will keep her alive in my life. It will be in BAD times and GOOD times just like with my other earthly kiddos! I'm so thankful that I found this little outfit yesterday for it brought me closer to my daughter if only for a little while.


7 comments:

Beth Ann said...

Amazing. Maybe a little gift from big sister to little brother. Hugs to you!

The Anglin Family said...

Hugs sweetie;) how is it we knew? Had those feelings.. This made me cry...
You will always be her mom, a mom to a baby girl,even if not here on earth. Those reminders will always pop up, when you are least expecting them.

Sarah said...

Sending you a virtual hug...because I know nothing I say can change your pain. And if you were right here next to me telling me this story, I would just listen and give you a hug.

Tristan said...

She will never ever be forgotten!
thinking of you!

ccc said...

Wow! Strange how things happen like that.

NewYearMum2.blogspot.com said...

These reminders can be so hard... and you're so right that it's our remembering that's precious - good or bad. I had a bad feeling about my pregnancy with Gabrielle too... it's amazing how we just 'know'' as their mum. Thinking of you my dear friend xoxo

Brittany said...

Wow. What a post. Made me want to tear up. It's like God was preparing your sweet little heart, even back then. A little gift ,....in blue:) For a promise of baby Griffin who wasnt even created.

Powerful words today.

Thanks for sharing.

Praying for your heart.....I know that reminders are so hard, yet baby Caroline IS part of your family and will never be forgotten. One of the ways is through a little blue fleece outfit.......that was accidently sent to you,.....that gives me chills.

 
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