Front Yard Surprise!

This morning I decided to get up earlier than everyone else. I wanted to piddle around my kitchen for a second, make some coffee, check some blogs :), and pretty much just have a few quiet moments to myself. I started our coffee maker and then went to open our blinds in the kitchen where our bay windows are at. Can you guess what was right in front of me as I turned open the first blind?

It was a Momma doe and her brand new baby! I think she must have had him or her overnight. The baby still looked wet to me and it's little legs were trembling when it was walking.

I immediately burst into tears and ran to get my camera. It was soo hard to take their picture! Every time I turned the wand to open the blinds the Momma could hear me and I was super afraid that she would dart off. I managed to get these four pictures before they left our yard though!

We live in a neighborhood filled with White Tailed Deer so its common enough to see them pretty much every single day (sometimes in large herds). But, I've never seen a Momma and her little one up soo close and at such a quiet wonderful time of the morning where it's just me and my little guy hanging out too!

God is soo good and I'm so thankful for the little joys that he sprinkles in my life here and there to remind me of his love and presence!

"May the Lord bless you with all the things that will assure you of His love. His presence, and His daily care for you."

~ Author Unknown

Staying Cool!

I can not believe just how hot it is here in Texas already! I'm not so sure why this surprises me. I've lived here all my life and have grown up with it always being hot. Sometimes even the winters here are HOT! So far this summer (or soon to be!), Bobby and I have been on a mission to keep our kids cool, entertained, and to take care of our poor grass. We are already on Stage 1 water restrictions and heading quickly towards Stage 2 so we can't use our sprinkler system except for 1 day a week. We are however still allowed to hand-water any day we choose to so Bobby and I decided that some sprinkler fun is a great way to let the kiddos play and water the grass at the same time!



Grady has finally reached that super-fun stage of not liking his picture taken anymore. This is probably my fault because all he hears all day long now is "say Cheese Grady!". He actually told me yesterday, "I no like it." He either wouldn't look at me or wouldn't smile for the camera. Ah well....

Graham was much more cooperative when it came time to smile for Momma. I think he knows now that its just better to smile quickly for me so he can run off to play! Smart boy!



When I was at Toys R' Us a couple of weeks ago I found the funnest new water sprinkler toy! It inflates and squirts water out while spinning. It comes with 2 inflatable balls and 1 inflatable bat. The balls ride on top of the spinning part and the kids can run into the water and try and knock the balls off while taking a swing! Graham loved it!



Grady took a while to get used to all the spraying water and hung out near the edges of where the water would just barely touch him.





Crash loved it too! He goes berserk when he sees any kind of water. He played in the water more than the boys did!



Here is my sweet hubby humoring me during my picture taking frenzy. He had just sat down with his adult beverage after sweating in the sun for half an hour trying to get the boys all set up. He's just like Graham. Just smile for the Momma so she will hurry up and go away. Bobby is smart too.



I hope that everyone's weekend is going great!

Weekend Randomness

• I can't remember if I mentioned it before or not, but both Bobby and Graham have been able to feel the baby move! Bobby felt him move for the first time last week and then yesterday was Graham's first time! I was hesitant to let him feel him at first. I know that if something were to happen to this baby like what happened to Caroline Graham would be crushed because I'd let him get too emotionally close. I guess in a good way and a bad way, I was the only one to feel Caroline move.

• Bobby is getting done a crazy amount of odd-ball chores done around the house today! (One of these chores included trying to sell to unframed mirrors that we pulled out of a couple of bathrooms and selling them on Craigslist!)



Can you see where I changed out the title at the top of the page? It says "Makes Hillary Happy List". HA!



• I got a new little point and shoot camera for Mothers Day earlier this month. I am sending Bobby by Walmart later today to get groceries and exchange the camera for a different color and then I'll be back in picture-taking business! I somehow managed to loose/misplace my old camera so now I am on hold on documenting family life. (Here is the camera by the way! Bobby decided to open the box for me before leaving for the store and discovered that the camera was purple and that was good for me so no returning!)





Along with the new camera shot you also get a 21 week belly picture of me and Baby!


• Because of my lack of camera right now, I didn't post exactly what I wanted to post yesterday. Grady went on a total "I'm a 3 year old with a mischievous mind" rampage and dumped an entirely full 3 pound bag of animal crackers onto the living room rug. I wanted to take a picture of the mess (because despite the headache it was to clean it up it was still pretty funny to look at) but couldn't because of the lack of camera. He also in the last couple of days has managed to empty yet another full bottle of baby wash into an empty bathtub and entire container of bath salts. Are you noticing a pattern?? :) Are you also asking yourself why I haven't noticed a pattern and started putting everything up higher?? :)

• I forgot to post yesterday that at my OB appointment, I asked the doctor about how delivery would go with this baby. I know that I'll have another scheduled C-Section but I don't want it to be anything unplanned if we can help it. It's pretty hard to leave our 2 guys and head off to the hospital for 4 days even when planning is involved. I can't imagine what would happen if we had to leave for the hospital in the middle of the night. I also want to avoid getting stuck with whatever doctor was on call at the time. It would be just my luck that I would get stuck with The Robot Doctor and then be hating everything that had to do with the delivery. My OB ended up reassuring me that it would probably be the specialist that called this pregnancy to an end. She said that there would eventually come a day when my cervix would be paper-thin and unable to continue for much longer and then they would set me up for delivery. My regular doctor said that she would not/could not perform a scheduled C-Section before 38 weeks because of under-developed lungs. If the baby came sooner on its own or the specialist  "called it" then she would of course. It makes sense to me. I wouldn't want that on my record either.

• Sweet Bobby just got back from the grocery store for me (Whoo-Hoo!) and only had to call 6 times! I could not be more proud! :)

• We are letting the boys play outside tonight with a bunch of different water toys! I can't wait to post about our water fun tomorrow!

Week 21 ~ Drs. Appointment

Yesterday morning I had my 21 week doctor's appointment. This time it was just with my regular OB, Dr. W. It's so weird, but I was soo glad to have the MOST boring doctor's appointment ever! :) I thought that I would have an ultrasound this time (it was on their schedule) but Dr. W. said that since I had just had one two days ago at the other doctor she didn't feel like it was terribly necessary. At the time I thought that it would be fine (I was super hungry to get some lunch!) but then later on yesterday I started to think that if I don't have one at my regular OB's office then I won't be able to get an actual disc with the baby moving. I do have a ton of still ultrasound pictures, but it's just not the same! I think that when I go back I'll ask for one just for that purpose!

Speaking of going back, I don't have to show my face in that office for another 4 weeks! YIPEE! She said that as long as I stay asymptomatic then there should be no worries. I will still get my regular 2 week cervical checkups from the specialist just to make sure though. Dr. W. said yesterday that she had read all the reports from the specialist from a couple of days ago and filled me in a little bit more on whats going on with Baby M. I love how I hear things from my regular OB that happened at the specialist and vice versa that the other doctor never tells me. Dr. W. said that the other day at the specialist the baby was in the 67 percentile for growth (never heard that mentioned before) and that in my situation we needed the baby to get as big as possible. I forgot to ask how to plump up a baby in utero but I'm guessing all she'll say is "stay healthy, get lots of rest, eat well balanced meals". :) I did remember to ask however, that in her experience and with what and how my body is reacting to what all has been going on, how far did she think that I would make it. Her answer was 32- 36 weeks. She then followed up with, "Lets just get to 24 weeks, then get to 28 weeks, then 32 weeks...)

Dr. W. followed all this up with a gentle reminder to take things very easy, get lots of rest, no chores (YIPPEE AGAIN), and she had better not catch me out at Sam's shopping! :)

I think that pretty much sums up the visit! If I can think of any other details I'll update this post again (mostly for my records of whats going on in my life these days!).

Hopefully this weekend I'll get some great pictures of the boys to post. We are all looking forward to a long 3 day weekend (if Bobby doesn't head out to the deer lease on Sunday...and Honey if you are reading this at lunchtime at work we need to talk about this again when you get home... love you!).

Grady Tucker's 3rd Birthday Party!

This past Saturday afternoon we celebrated Grady's 3rd Birthday at our house with a cook-out and fun Monster theme!



We ate tons and tons of my hubby's good hamburgers, hot dogs, and sausage! I swear I must have eaten at least 3 plates that day! We kept the party to just close friends and family as I was on "bed rest" (although couch rest is more like it!). We really all just relaxed and enjoyed the day watching the kiddos play in the back yard.

I am forever grateful to my super wonderful sister-in-law Melanie who pretty ran the show and made sure that the day was a hit for me! I will forever love her for all the running around she did, interference she ran, and help she gave me. Love you Mel!

I found the cutest printable decorations at at etsy shop call Totful Memories. It was crazy affordable and then I was able to print most of the paper decorations myself! Here are some of the fun signs that were included in the kit. I did take them to an office supply store to have them laminated though.

We went pretty low-key on the activities for the party. We just let the kids play outside on our swing set, the trampoline and in our sandbox. We did have a fun "water station" set up with some water toys so the kids wouldn't get too hot. (Aack, here in Texas it's already 101 degrees outside!)



My sweet nephew Carter and his water  toy.

 



Cooper playing in the sandbox!





After we all ate and then played some more we did the cake and cupcakes! Sooo yummy and the colors came out soo good on them!

I love love love this sweet boy more than life itself. I can not believe that he is already 3 years old! 

*****Is anyone else still having problems with their Google account to where it's darn near impossible to leave a comment?? I'm super frustrated right now.  I swear I'm reading everyone's blogs still but just can not hardly comment at all!! ******

Almost 21 Weeks And Still Lookin' Good!

This morning was my appointment with the specialist Dr. M. Things could not have gone better (except to maybe have my pesky cervix back to the condition that it used to be...)!  The baby is measuring great and is estimated to weigh almost a pound now! I can not believe that 2 weeks ago he was 8 ounces (which strangely seemed huge to me then) and now he is 14 ounces! Holy moly! I had no idea that his weight would nearly double. The fluid around him looked good too. I was a little worried about this as I had been feeling extra "trickle-y" the past couple of days.

All of his growth measurements were either right on track or above. His leg bones were measuring over a week bigger! I know that these numbers vary depending on who is measuring you and what week they are doing it in, but I think God knew that this time I was needed extra reassurance. Boy did he ever provide! My cervix is measuring around 2.08 cm in length right now which is where it was at 2 weeks ago when the noticed the problem. Hopefully the past two weeks of laying around gave it the extra umpf to keep on going. The nurse did say at the office today that when I had gone in for the surgery the doctor had already found me to be 1 cm dilated while doing the cerclage. I still thank God every single day that they discovered the problem when they did or else I'd be writing an entirely different post today! God is Great!

The funny thing this time I noticed with the ultrasound tech is that I guess the farther along you get the more they think us Mommas are just used to all of this. I only got 2 pictures this time! :) Maybe they think that the fun has worn off of looking at 10 different little black and white pictures of our kids, but not me! Also this time when I asked her for a picture of my cervix so I could post it and then also to show Bobby (he couldn't make it today :( ) she said that she really couldn't give me any more pictures of that "area". She said that after I had asked last time 4 weeks ago she mentioned my request to other co-workers in the office and they had told her that she shouldn't give it to me. So weird right? Maybe because its part of a "procedure" and not just a cute baby picture? I think that's total crap though. If she can use that wand thingy every time (and not even buy me dinner afterwards :) ) then I can have a picture of my own insides. Right??

Oh well, so here are the newest pictures of our little prince!



Oh I can't wait to meet my handsome little boy! We love and adore him soo much already!

One Year Ago...

You might think I'm pretty strange but I remember all sorts of random dates. Particularly when it comes to my kiddos. Yesterday was the first day of my last menstrual period with Caroline one year ago. I guess that maybe its not all that strange. It is one of those dates that you end up telling a bazillion people at the doctors office (some several times over) and then later at the hospital. It was a date that I had circled in my desk calender of important dates. I used it over and over on all sorts of fun baby websites devoted to telling you more than you ever wanted to know about your fetus/baby. May 22nd is forever in my brain.

I sometimes can't believe that here it is one year later and I feel as if I'm no further along in my journey to become a Momma again. It's been one solid year and 2 babies later. I guess its a combination of May 22nd  and the fact that I'm am just 2 or 3 days away from how far I was along with Caroline when she passed away. I'm right back where I started from. Being scared shitless that this little guy won't make it either. What if I only have a couple more days left with him too?

I've been trying my very hardest to follow all of the doctors orders and stay very relaxed and to not hardly be on my feet at all. I've been scaring myself a little bit lately by over analyzing my body and things that I'm feeling right now. I have 2 doctor's appointments this week thank goodness. Hopefully both of those will go great and I'll have a little relief from the worry that I've been feeling this past week.

I'm sorry that this is such a Debbie Downer post. I promise that soon I'll be back to usual (like 24 weeks gestation! :). I've just had a lot of this stuff on my mind for a couple of days out and needed to vent a little bit more.

My next appointment is tomorrow with the specialist and then I should have more to share including some new pictures of our little man!

Thanks for listening ladies! I love and adore you all so much for all the support and advise that you've given me during the past couple of weeks!

Happy 3rd Birthday Grady Tucker!

I can not believe how fast the past 3 years have flown by! It seems just like yesterday that this was our little Grady.

Here is our little guy just a couple minutes after he was born.  He was so not happy about it either..

This was Graham's first visit to see his new little brother. Grady was in the NICU at the time but ended up being just fine!

This is Grady at his first birthday party. He was super excited when he saw the cake he was about to dive into! :)



I still can not believe how little he was here! At the time I remember thinking how big he was!



This is Grady at his 2nd Birthday party.  I loved the little t-shirt that I found for him to wear last year! (He's wearing it again today :)



We had a fun Under the Sea theme for him last year and we all had a great time!

I have pictures and a post coming up for his 3rd birthday party this year but I wanted to show you all how much my little guy has grown through the years!

We could not love Grady anymore! He brings such joy and light to our lives and we give thanks to God every single day for him! 

So Much To Say

So it's 3:45 AM and I can't sleep. The halcyon days of complete bed rest are gone and my mind and body realized this about 2:30 this morning. I had been sleeping like the dead ever since my brain was sent into a catatonic state from doing soo much of pure nothingness. One trip to the doctors office and one evening spent SITTING UP have changed all of that. My nervous system has said "screw a bunch of this sleeping business, you've done enough of that" and so now here I sit. Awake.

As far as the doctor's visit went, it was a good as I could have expected... If she had told me that I was really and truly free to live my life again...

I was hoping that I could go back to being a normal on my feet all the time Momma but that is not to be. But, I can sit up now and that is good enough for me. She was pretty specific with me and you could tell that I wasn't the first Momma that walked into her exam room already planning the 4000 things she was going to be doing with her new found freedom that she was expecting. Dr. W put the brakes on pretty fast and said that out of every hour I should be up no more than 5-10 minutes. The rest of the time should be spent sitting or lying down. I am not to do any chores, house cleaning, shopping, and no long excursions out. She said that she wants to try and leave the cerclage in until 36 weeks and then after that anything goes. I was ordered to avoid stress and contractions and to pass as many things over for others to deal with as I could.

Overall it was a great visit! I know she said 36 weeks, but my mothers intuition still tells me that I won't make it that far. My first goal is just to get this baby to 24 weeks and then 30 weeks. Anything after 30 weeks is just hunky-dory with me. Odd how much my perspective of things has changed in such a short amount of time. I do still feel that God has spoken to my heat and said that this baby will be fine and I believe that with all my heart and soul! Despite God's reassurance I plan on following my doctor's orders to the letter to make sure that we both get this baby here safe and sound! :)

I also have to add how much my perspective on what I can control and what I can't has changed so dramatically in the past week. Having so many wonderful friends and family come and go the past week has not only helped me get one week farther into my pregnancy but also wrecked havoc on my household. I have very quickly learned that just because cups don't go in the same place I would have put them, or towels not being folded the way I would have done them mean VERY LITTLE. I have learned to let all the stupid little things go like water off a ducks back. I am now thanking God that we even have a clean cup to drink out of or a clean towel to dry off with! I guess I had never realized how much of a silly control freak I really am! :) I have learned to turn all sorts of things over to other people to take care of for me that I never would have done in the past. My one last hurdle and the biggest battle (for myself and others I'm afraid) is my children. Thank God that this coming week is the last week of school for Graham. Not only could I use his help with Grady, but I really like his company too! I worry that this summer a lot of very well meaning people will want to whisk my boys off to help me out when all I really want is to be with them. I feel like I'm already loosing soo much of what I am and who I am due to this partial bed rest that with out them here what am I? I honestly feel that I can surrender many things over to others to help me out with, but they might not be one of those things. Graham, at the age of 9, is completely self sufficient and I have no worries for him at all when he's here. Grady of course, being nearly 3 (this Saturday!) does need help. Surely I could care for his needs with my allotted "up" time right?

Don't you just love that I am barely 12 hours into the next 16 weeks of my life and I'm already panicking over the logistics?? :) Deep breath Hillary... Deep breath.

So that pretty much sums me up! I am so thankful for this blog and for you all so that I can vent, think, and plan!

If anyone has had any experience with managing a household and kids post-cerclage and lived to tell about it, could you pass along some tips or pointers? Or if you haven't had a cerclage and just have some great ideas for me, do share!

There's A Pregnant Shaped Hillary Hole In My Bed

(Yet another blog post from Hillary brought to you by Bobby)

I couldn't decide what to call this post. It was either going to be called what you see above or "The View From Here". I went with the longer and more interesting one so that it would seem like I'm doing more around here. HA! Yeah right! As if! If only!

I've never been so tired in my life. I can totally doze off during the day at least twice and STILL sleep at night. Usually I'm the crazy person that wakes up between 2 and 3 AM and then can never go back to sleep.

I'm hoping that all this laying around is helping my defunct (and apparently lazy) lady parts that don't seem to want to hold yet another baby in. I find out tomorrow afternoon at 1:30. Everyone say a prayer that my previously know "Cervix of Steel" has returned to it's former glory. (I still feel silly that I have 2 children born by C-Section from "Failure To Progress" and 1 child on my mantel in an urn from a seriously incompetent cervix.

I'll leave you today with some pictures of all I have to look at. Thank God for mail, schoolwork to look at, dry shampoo, 2 cute little boys, and one little brown and shedding dog! :) (Oh and of course the sweet little boy inside me who makes me smile and reminds me of why I'm doing what I'm doing with every little kick!)



Pardon the mess! I have been taking this laying down business very seriously! (haha. whatever. It looks like this all the time! :)



MY LIFE IN BULLET FORM

• I decided to try and make things easier for Bobby today so I'm using bullets today!

• I love this girl!

• She is one of the greatest, kindest , and most selfless people I know. She's also incidentally the one who introduced me to my husband!:) (Bobby: thanks Deb!) She called me the other day and said that she's moving in with me for the next week to help take care of me and the kids! LOVE HER!

• I have a really weird/hateful thing to confess. The other day when I was at the hospital for pre-op blood work I ran into a girl that I vaguely know. She had just given birth to a micro-preemie at 25 weeks. All I could think was "she's so lucky and doesn't know it". I could see her pain and worry on her face, but it didn't change how I felt. All I could think was "I hope that's me" and "I hope I get another 5 weeks with this little guy". I guess loosing a child forever changes your perspective on life. Thinking back on my feelings now, I guess I'm just really jealous that she gets a chance with her baby that I never had.

• I'm soo glad that my Mamma's here but I can see how tired and worn out she is and I feel so bad about it. :(

• I love that my kids seem to have taken pretty well to all this crazy bed rest mess. They have naturally migrated to hanging out in my room with me to watch cartoons or to play.

• I feel guilty and weird to take a shower or brush my teeth (I have even considered brushing my teeth in the shower). I have strict instructions to only get up to use the bathroom so I feel really guilty.

• Grady's 3rd birthday is this coming Saturday at our house. All I can say is AACK! Nothing is ready as I had anticipated doing it myself this week. No food, no decorations, no presents, and I have no idea if I'll be on my feet by then! AACK!

LET THE BEDREST BEGIN

Hi all, it's Hillary's husband Bobby. She's on bed rest for the next week so I'm blogging for her. She's cursing right now because we don't have a laptop and she is not allowed to sit at our computer desk. I, being the dutiful hubby that I am, have agreed to post for her this week. Hillary will be going "old school" this week and has taken pen and paper in hand to make sure that I post exactly what she wants to say. Without further ado.... here she is!

Hey Gals!

Thank you all sooo much for the sweet and loving comments and prayers! They have been soo needed and have worked. God is sooo GREAT!

I'm not sure anymore where I left off (this bed rest is not only keeping our little boy in but addling my brain as well!) So (maybe) to recap quickly, last Tuesday was the visit with Dr. M the specialist. By Tuesday night I had TONS of Braxton Hicks contractions that were completely alarming to me. On Wednesday I decided that I just had to see my regular OB for reassurance. She deemed me still "ok" and the surgery was scheduled for 8 AM the following morning.

Myself, Bobby, and my Momma showed up at the hospital bright and early to begin the dreaded 2 hour wait. I was finally taken to a pre-op room where I got to meet the OR nurse, an IV started, and meet the anesthesiologist. I could not believe how wonderful, sweet, and funny everyone was! I had some serious concerns about general anesthesia that they were going to do, but didn't think that a spinal or an epidural would work because of soo many problems with getting one started with Caroline. The anesthesiologist (whom I am now in love with) seemed very cocky and self-assured the HE could get a spinal started where others had not been able to. :) I decided to go with his plan (as its safer for the baby anyway). He took only 2 minutes and had one going! They had me lay down and then inverted the OR table with my head down and feet all crazy up in the air. I got sick only one time but that was it, thank God! It only took about 15 minutes and I was all done!

My OB came into the Stage 1 recovery room and said that my cervix had already thinned out even more since the previous day. My bed rest was going to be extended from 2 days to one week with my OB checking my cervix again next Thursday to see how its holding up. There were some veiled threats of "ladies that don't comply with at home bed rest end up with hospital bed rest".

The next hour passed fairly quickly and my spinal was wearing off nicely. The awesome anesthesiologist came back to check on me and said that he would come back to do my spinal when our little guy makes his arrival, hopefully in September! I'm so excited that I have that peace of mind because he was that good.

I was starting to feel some contractions as the spinal wore off more and more. I figured that this was pretty normal as my OB had already warned me that I'd be having more Braxton Hicks than normal. When I got to the Stage 2 recovery area I was soo glad to finally see my family again, but was definitely more uncomfortable. I told the nurse right away about the contraction I was feeling. It had me concerned because it had already been 10 minutes but hadn't gone away yet! I told her my pain level was between 4-5 and it was decided that I needed to be moved up to Labor and Delivery upstairs. By the time that we got there not only had the contraction STILL NOT STOPPED, but it had gotten worse! The pain was now at a 9-10. The kind of pain you feel when your are in labor pushing a baby out without an epidural. I have almost never felt that much pain and fear combined except when Caroline was being delivered. I honestly thought that I was going to deliver him in the next couple of minutes. I was doing the most horribly embarrassing crying and screaming at this point. I kept apologizing to Bobby and saying that it was too much pain and I couldn't control myself. He was soo sweet and calm through the whole thing! I'm pretty sure that I scared the crap out of both my Momma and Bobby's mom by this point. I had Bobby ask them both to leave for just a little bit so spare them.

It wasn't too much later and my spinal had worn off past my uterus and I was beginning to feel my bladder again. I had the slight sensation that it was full and asked the nurse to please place a catheter. She quickly checked with the doctor who said that it was fine and the nurse did an in and out catheter since they had never started one before/during/after my surgery. Here is where I am confused. I've always had them do a catheter when I've had surgery. Why not this time? The nurse said she pulled off equivalent of almost 2 bags of IV fluid! I'm not sure how my bladder never ruptured. By the time that she had emptied my bladder the contraction was finally stopping. I had had soo much pressure from my distended bladder on my uterus that it was the culprit of the never ending 25 minute contraction! Thanks be to God and all of yours prayers that this is all it was! My OB had already told me a couple of times that if I started contracting that she would pull the cerclage out. If she has to do that in the next 5 weeks it will be certain death for our little one.

We were finally able to come home later that day with strict instructions for me to lay w/ a pillow under my butt to relieve ALL pressure form my cervix. I find this makes my back hurt so bad and then the Braxton Hicks start up again so I only do it at short intervals.

And that's the jist of my life for the next week! I plan on full compliance because I have a strong maternal intuition that I'll be having him much sooner than later. My hope and goal is to make it to at least 30 weeks!

Thanks again to everyone for all the kind words & prayers! I'm going to see about begging/borrowing/stealing a laptop so I don't go completely stir crazy. Please also forgive me if in the meantime I have a hard time reading and commenting on everyone's blogs! I will constantly be wondering whats going on with everyone! I leave you with the one picture that Bobby and I took at the hospital! The brown socks cracked us up!

Just a Quick Post Doctor's Visit Update

After getting up this morning, typing my post, having a small melt-down (including several sobbing, choking phone calls to my Momma and my sister-in-law)I got a call from my doctors office scheduling the cerclage. The coordinator said that I needed to be there tomorrow morning at 6 for an 8 am surgery time. After getting done with her I asked if I could be transferred to a tiage nurse to discuss all that was going on with my body at the time. I told her about the contractions, back ache, and new symptom of low grade fever of 99.5. She agreed that I needed to be seen and had me go in at 1:30. I was lucky enough to get my pre-op blood work drawn before my appointment so I got home earlier than I expected to this afternoon! Yea!

So pretty much the doctor said that she was pretty worried but excitedly surprised to find my cervix still closed when she checked it. She did do a test that was similar to how you do a pap smear that would tell her if I was at risk of going into labor in the next 24-48 hours. I had never heard of it before but I guess that it tests for some kind of hormone released by a woman's body shortly before delivery??  She said that she won't get the test back until late tonight or early tomorrow morning. If it comes back positive then I stay for several days over at labor and delivery and if its negative then I get to come back home after the surgery. She did say that the baby sounded fantastic on the Doppler though! Thank God it's just me that in distress and not him!

I'm super worried about the general anesthesia that they'll be doing. I hate hate hate going under. It makes me soo nervous! The best part of this whole deal is that my Momma is coming back into town to be with me and help our family make it through bed rest weekend.

I'll have my hubby or sister-in-law post a small update for me tomorrow! Be saying big prayers around 8 am tomorrow!!

So Many Questions

I walked out of Dr. M's office yesterday with a spring in my step and hope in my heart! I was thinking "YES! They caught it! No more babies born too soon!" I felt so confident and ready to tackle any hurdle that was thrown at me.

By last night I was nearing the basket-case status. My brain was working in overdrive trying to process all that had just happened to me in one day and how my life was going to be changed for a while.

So many questions started popping up in my head. These were followed by 400 different scenarious as to how everything might eventually play out. So many worries, so many concerns, so many questions. For me ignorance = fear. Once I can get some answers to my questions either today from my doctor or be it after the procedure is complete I know that I'll feel better.

• Is this what happened to Caroline?

My previous Robot doctor who I no long see thought that my having an incompetant cervix was the last thing on the list of what could have happened. Glad I changed to a doctor who wanted to check everything everytime. To me now it seems fairly likely that this was the cause. I could see where Robot doc would be confused though. With Graham, my oldest, I had the crazy cervix of steel problem. Like I dialated 2 cm in 8 hours on pitocin. I had a C-section from failure to progress. Whatthehell.

• Should I call the doctor?

This was the question that ran through my head from the hours of 10pm last night until 1 am this morning. I have a crappy head cold right now that is already making me feel ugg. Then the unrelenting lower back pain started. I literally felt icy cold when I realized how similar that sensation was from when I had Caroline (no sensation of contractions just terrible back pain). I had Braxton Hicks contractions that were coming every 3-5 minutes apart. They weren't strong, I just knew that they were there way more often than they should be. I knew at that point I really was turning into a head case and need to climb out of bed. I went straight to Dr. Google ("When to call the doctor about Braxton Hicks contractions") and it mentioned a couple of helpful things to see about getting them to go away. 30 minutes later I had already finished with a hot hot shower, a hot hot cup of decaf coffee and was stretched out on my left side on my couch. I basically needed to de-stress my body, warm it up, and change positions. I then drank water and peed for the next 2 hours straight (so as to make sure I was not dehydrated). I watched a couple of "16 and Pregnant" episodes on MTV and cursed all those preteen, unprepared, easy baby having moms. By then I was feeling better and decided that I could hold off on calling the on-call doctor until the morning (if I still felt like I needed it). I feel better already this morning with the exception of this head cold from hell.

• How easy should I take it with the kids?

I have a small although not horrible confession to make here. I am a stay at home mom but I DO work from home. I watch 3 of my friends kids during the day along with my own to make a little extra money for our family. I have Graham who is 9 and at school most of the day so he doesn't count too much, Grady who is 2, another 2 year old, an 18 month old, and an 8 month old. Usually it's not bad at all if I can tune out all the noise! :) Lately though, its been getting harder and more complicated. It's incrediably hard to find a sitter to watch them all the 3 times a month when I go to the doctor and it's just going to get worse. I know that I will need to take at least of couple of days off to recover after the surgery but already I can tell that it's starting to be a hardship on my friends as I am their sole caregiver to their children when they go to work. This extra money that I bring in really does help my family out a lot but I'm wondering when and how to tell the parents that I just can't keep up anymore. Will I be better than ever after the cerclage where I  can just jump right back into my caregiving roll after just a brief hiatus??

• When will the surgery be and what kind?

I still have not gotten a call back from the surgical coordinator at my doctors office. I called at 4:50 yesterday and left a message just in case she might have time to call before she left but she didn't. I know that they all pretty much work past 6... She would have to call no later than by today right??
 I know that there is 3 different cerclages that they can do and I'm thinking that it will be the most straight forward one ( The McDonald) that I'll have. I forgot to ask the doctor yesterday but will for certain today! Then Dr. Google will be on!

• What kind of anesthesia will I have?

This makes me the most nervous of all. My specialist mentioned either a spinal or sedation. Both terrify me. I would be all for the spinal as I'm pretty sure general is not all that great for the baby but the last time they tried to start one on me (for the delivery of Caroline) it was 8 tries over an hour and a half and they could never get one going.

Thanks for hanging in there with me (if you are even still reading this post). I have soo much on my mind right now and I just had to get it out so I'd hopefully stop thinking so darn much.  Please send prayers for guidence for both me and the doctors over the next couple of days!!

Hillary's Cervix of Doom

So today was our regularly scheduled appointment with our specialist. So far it's been absolutely no big deal. Every time we've gone in pretty much everything has been looking just great! We so far have been one of those awesomely lucky ones to be labeled "normal" or "boring" pregnancy. But, sadly, not anymore.

Today during my check the tech (as usual) started off measuring my cervical length. I am of course not an expert but it just looked different to me. Then she started measuring it. Two weeks ago it was measuring anywhere from 3.8 to 3.5 cm. Today it went from 2.8 to 2.4. I didn't know much but I didn't have a feeling that this was going to go well. I tried to question the tech but you know them. They could work for the CIA or FBI or something for as tight-lipped as those ladies can be... She only mumbled that when the doctor came in she would go over everything with me. Not.good. Sure enough 15 minutes later Dr. M came in and the first thing out of her mouth was "Your cervix is starting to shorten AND funnel". Two words that should never be used together before the 37th week. The second thing out of her mouth was " I want you to have a cerclage put in this week". She had already called my regular OB to let her know what the situation was and to be looking for my call.

By lunchtime today I had already had a personal phone call from my OB (which never happens) to start setting things up. I should receive a call later today to tell me which day I need to report to the hospital. I'm hoping that its Friday but at the same time I want to hurry up and get this taken care of before things have a chance to get more haywire. Until those stitches go in I plan on sitting. A LOT.

On a positive note, the baby looked just great! We caught him sucking his thumb a couple of times.TOO CUTE!

I'll leave you with one of the best pictures we have of Baby M to date!

I fell in love with this little picture. It's of his profile and abdomen. You can kind of see  his little button nose. And he has a hand up like he's waving hi! I love it and him soo much!

Has anyone else had a cerclage before and if you did how did things go? Were you on bed rest? Back to normal in no time?

18 Weeks! (and 4 days)

I can't believe how close I'm getting to half way there! By my calculations 19 weeks should be about half way for me as my OB will deliver scheduled c-sections early. Believe me when I say, I WILL TAKE THE FIRST AVAILABLE DATE SHE WILL GIVE ME! :)

I have another doctor's appointment with the specialist tomorrow morning and I can't wait to hear all the details and show you all the newest pictures of little Baby M!

Bobby took this picture of me on Saturday morning before I ran out of the house to meet a friend for lunch so its not as out of date as this post is! :)

18 Weeks:

How Far Along: 18 Glorious weeks!

Size of Baby: About 5-1/2" inches long and around 7 ounces. This little guy has been measuring bigger than what it usually says online so I can't wait until tomorrow to see how big he really is!

Total Weight Gain/ Loss: Ugg. I will find out tomorrow. All the eating that I did over Mother's Day weekend can not be good...

Maternity Clothes: I'm still clinging to one non-maternity shirt but the rest of everything is maternity!

Gender: It's another little boy for us!

Movement: Still hit or miss. Some days will be "good" days and I'll feel tons of thumps or little "bubbles popping" and others are not great days for movement and I worry a little (or a lot...). Yesterday on Mother's Day he gave me the best gift ever and gave me 4 solid kicks right when I woke up! I couldn't believe it!

Sleep: It's either getting better or I'm getting more tired. Either way, I've been sleeping through the night most nights. On the nights that I do get up to use the restroom I'm able to fall back asleep! :)

What I Miss: Not a thing right now! I am completely content!

Cravings: Mexican food! Yummy!

Symptoms: Just some pressure lower in my abdomen when I'm on my feet for too long.

Best Moment This Week: Going to the doctor tomorrow! I am super excited and can't wait!

On a side note - I got a call from my OB's office last week. The new doctor that I just switched to and that I fell in love with? She's moving. To a new state. What the heck!! I am now having to start over with another new doctor. This will be the 3rd doctor that I'll be seeing this pregnancy. Ugg. I was able to switch to another female doctor in the practice that I had seen once before (when I spotted around 7 weeks) and had liked. She was actually the doctor that referred me to a specialist. My first visit with her will be at the end of this month. Funny to think that my first official visit with her and I'll be 21 weeks and be getting your typical 20-ish week anatomy scan! Oh well. What ever and who ever will get this little guy here safely!

I hope everyone's week is off to a good start!