So Much To Say

So it's 3:45 AM and I can't sleep. The halcyon days of complete bed rest are gone and my mind and body realized this about 2:30 this morning. I had been sleeping like the dead ever since my brain was sent into a catatonic state from doing soo much of pure nothingness. One trip to the doctors office and one evening spent SITTING UP have changed all of that. My nervous system has said "screw a bunch of this sleeping business, you've done enough of that" and so now here I sit. Awake.

As far as the doctor's visit went, it was a good as I could have expected... If she had told me that I was really and truly free to live my life again...

I was hoping that I could go back to being a normal on my feet all the time Momma but that is not to be. But, I can sit up now and that is good enough for me. She was pretty specific with me and you could tell that I wasn't the first Momma that walked into her exam room already planning the 4000 things she was going to be doing with her new found freedom that she was expecting. Dr. W put the brakes on pretty fast and said that out of every hour I should be up no more than 5-10 minutes. The rest of the time should be spent sitting or lying down. I am not to do any chores, house cleaning, shopping, and no long excursions out. She said that she wants to try and leave the cerclage in until 36 weeks and then after that anything goes. I was ordered to avoid stress and contractions and to pass as many things over for others to deal with as I could.

Overall it was a great visit! I know she said 36 weeks, but my mothers intuition still tells me that I won't make it that far. My first goal is just to get this baby to 24 weeks and then 30 weeks. Anything after 30 weeks is just hunky-dory with me. Odd how much my perspective of things has changed in such a short amount of time. I do still feel that God has spoken to my heat and said that this baby will be fine and I believe that with all my heart and soul! Despite God's reassurance I plan on following my doctor's orders to the letter to make sure that we both get this baby here safe and sound! :)

I also have to add how much my perspective on what I can control and what I can't has changed so dramatically in the past week. Having so many wonderful friends and family come and go the past week has not only helped me get one week farther into my pregnancy but also wrecked havoc on my household. I have very quickly learned that just because cups don't go in the same place I would have put them, or towels not being folded the way I would have done them mean VERY LITTLE. I have learned to let all the stupid little things go like water off a ducks back. I am now thanking God that we even have a clean cup to drink out of or a clean towel to dry off with! I guess I had never realized how much of a silly control freak I really am! :) I have learned to turn all sorts of things over to other people to take care of for me that I never would have done in the past. My one last hurdle and the biggest battle (for myself and others I'm afraid) is my children. Thank God that this coming week is the last week of school for Graham. Not only could I use his help with Grady, but I really like his company too! I worry that this summer a lot of very well meaning people will want to whisk my boys off to help me out when all I really want is to be with them. I feel like I'm already loosing soo much of what I am and who I am due to this partial bed rest that with out them here what am I? I honestly feel that I can surrender many things over to others to help me out with, but they might not be one of those things. Graham, at the age of 9, is completely self sufficient and I have no worries for him at all when he's here. Grady of course, being nearly 3 (this Saturday!) does need help. Surely I could care for his needs with my allotted "up" time right?

Don't you just love that I am barely 12 hours into the next 16 weeks of my life and I'm already panicking over the logistics?? :) Deep breath Hillary... Deep breath.

So that pretty much sums me up! I am so thankful for this blog and for you all so that I can vent, think, and plan!

If anyone has had any experience with managing a household and kids post-cerclage and lived to tell about it, could you pass along some tips or pointers? Or if you haven't had a cerclage and just have some great ideas for me, do share!