Friday, May 20, 2011

So Much To Say

So it's 3:45 AM and I can't sleep. The halcyon days of complete bed rest are gone and my mind and body realized this about 2:30 this morning. I had been sleeping like the dead ever since my brain was sent into a catatonic state from doing soo much of pure nothingness. One trip to the doctors office and one evening spent SITTING UP have changed all of that. My nervous system has said "screw a bunch of this sleeping business, you've done enough of that" and so now here I sit. Awake.

As far as the doctor's visit went, it was a good as I could have expected... If she had told me that I was really and truly free to live my life again...

I was hoping that I could go back to being a normal on my feet all the time Momma but that is not to be. But, I can sit up now and that is good enough for me. She was pretty specific with me and you could tell that I wasn't the first Momma that walked into her exam room already planning the 4000 things she was going to be doing with her new found freedom that she was expecting. Dr. W put the brakes on pretty fast and said that out of every hour I should be up no more than 5-10 minutes. The rest of the time should be spent sitting or lying down. I am not to do any chores, house cleaning, shopping, and no long excursions out. She said that she wants to try and leave the cerclage in until 36 weeks and then after that anything goes. I was ordered to avoid stress and contractions and to pass as many things over for others to deal with as I could.

Overall it was a great visit! I know she said 36 weeks, but my mothers intuition still tells me that I won't make it that far. My first goal is just to get this baby to 24 weeks and then 30 weeks. Anything after 30 weeks is just hunky-dory with me. Odd how much my perspective of things has changed in such a short amount of time. I do still feel that God has spoken to my heat and said that this baby will be fine and I believe that with all my heart and soul! Despite God's reassurance I plan on following my doctor's orders to the letter to make sure that we both get this baby here safe and sound! :)

I also have to add how much my perspective on what I can control and what I can't has changed so dramatically in the past week. Having so many wonderful friends and family come and go the past week has not only helped me get one week farther into my pregnancy but also wrecked havoc on my household. I have very quickly learned that just because cups don't go in the same place I would have put them, or towels not being folded the way I would have done them mean VERY LITTLE. I have learned to let all the stupid little things go like water off a ducks back. I am now thanking God that we even have a clean cup to drink out of or a clean towel to dry off with! I guess I had never realized how much of a silly control freak I really am! :) I have learned to turn all sorts of things over to other people to take care of for me that I never would have done in the past. My one last hurdle and the biggest battle (for myself and others I'm afraid) is my children. Thank God that this coming week is the last week of school for Graham. Not only could I use his help with Grady, but I really like his company too! I worry that this summer a lot of very well meaning people will want to whisk my boys off to help me out when all I really want is to be with them. I feel like I'm already loosing soo much of what I am and who I am due to this partial bed rest that with out them here what am I? I honestly feel that I can surrender many things over to others to help me out with, but they might not be one of those things. Graham, at the age of 9, is completely self sufficient and I have no worries for him at all when he's here. Grady of course, being nearly 3 (this Saturday!) does need help. Surely I could care for his needs with my allotted "up" time right?

Don't you just love that I am barely 12 hours into the next 16 weeks of my life and I'm already panicking over the logistics?? :) Deep breath Hillary... Deep breath.

So that pretty much sums me up! I am so thankful for this blog and for you all so that I can vent, think, and plan!

If anyone has had any experience with managing a household and kids post-cerclage and lived to tell about it, could you pass along some tips or pointers? Or if you haven't had a cerclage and just have some great ideas for me, do share!


Michele said...

My household was managed by Peter and my MIL and friends during my cerclage/bedrest before it was left unmanaged for the hospital! But, we didnt have living children at the time. My advice? Take LOTS of help and ask for it if you arent getting it volunteered.

You can do this!! Pryaing for a 36w cerclage removal!!

The Brady Bunch said...

Praying for strength and PEACE!

ccc said...

I can only fathom how hard this must be!
I know how it is when people want to "take your kids away"! It really is not a help, is it? My suggestion would be to tell them out right that you would rather them watch the kids at your house and just blame it on pregnancy hormones so you don't feel so bad about hurting their feelings.
Also, if you can afford it, I would hire a tween to be a mother's helper. That age just loves to play with children and they do not expect much money. Maybe a couple different tweens in the neighborhood who could rotate days while off of school for summer.
Take care and God bless!

New Year Mum said...

Dearest Hillary.... so sorry that bed rest isn't over but glad that all is Ok with your little one. One day you'll look back at this time and have wonderful stories to tell... but I feel for you going through it. I'm so like you and like everything to be done 'just right' around the house, so great that you can let that go for the moment.... your bub is so much more important than cups and towels :) I'm sure that if you let others know exactly what you need, they will fit in. If it's practical things, then they could focus on that and your sons could stay with you. They will learn so much out of this experience too.... I've stressed so much about the impact losing Gabrielle and this whole IVF thing is having on our toddler, when really I think she's learning compassion and that hard times can be overcome. Your sons sound like such a help and support for you. Like you say, don't worry about this small things... they will sort themselves out and the longer your bub can hold on the better :)) Love to you always xoxo

Tristan said...

i am praying and will continue to do so..faithfully!
if i lived there..i would be helping you out!!!!

bed rest is just the pits..and it makes you feel so helpless...but you are doing such an important roll!!!

no cheating ;)

Jayme said...

No cerclage, but I do have lots of bedrest under my belt. And I swear that is why I made it to 33 weeks with the twins, and why they're here and healthy today. Mia was not much older than your littlest- and she spent most of the time in bed with me. We colored, played games, read books, watched Nick Jr, napped... then once Daddy came home from work she ran around like a madwoman LOL

The Great Elephant Symposium said...

My church makes schedules for people to visit others and bring dinners. Maybe making a schedule on what needs to be done on what day and just having friends and family sign up for those things. That would be great because you'd know what is getting done without worrying about it. I agree with previous comment... have a teen come in and be your assistant. Maybe make breakfast and lunch for the kiddos, bring you food and water, etc.

I'm so sorry the bed rest is longer. It will all be worth it. I'm still praying that baby will stay in until September :) Sending you lots of hugs Hillary!

<3 Mary

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