Wednesday, May 11, 2011

So Many Questions

I walked out of Dr. M's office yesterday with a spring in my step and hope in my heart! I was thinking "YES! They caught it! No more babies born too soon!" I felt so confident and ready to tackle any hurdle that was thrown at me.

By last night I was nearing the basket-case status. My brain was working in overdrive trying to process all that had just happened to me in one day and how my life was going to be changed for a while.

So many questions started popping up in my head. These were followed by 400 different scenarious as to how everything might eventually play out. So many worries, so many concerns, so many questions. For me ignorance = fear. Once I can get some answers to my questions either today from my doctor or be it after the procedure is complete I know that I'll feel better.

  • Is this what happened to Caroline?

My previous Robot doctor who I no long see thought that my having an incompetant cervix was the last thing on the list of what could have happened. Glad I changed to a doctor who wanted to check everything everytime. To me now it seems fairly likely that this was the cause. I could see where Robot doc would be confused though. With Graham, my oldest, I had the crazy cervix of steel problem. Like I dialated 2 cm in 8 hours on pitocin. I had a C-section from failure to progress. Whatthehell.
  • Should I call the doctor?
This was the question that ran through my head from the hours of 10pm last night until 1 am this morning. I have a crappy head cold right now that is already making me feel ugg. Then the unrelenting lower back pain started. I literally felt icy cold when I realized how similar that sensation was from when I had Caroline (no sensation of contractions just terrible back pain). I had Braxton Hicks contractions that were coming every 3-5 minutes apart. They weren't strong, I just knew that they were there way more often than they should be. I knew at that point I really was turning into a head case and need to climb out of bed. I went straight to Dr. Google ("When to call the doctor about Braxton Hicks contractions") and it mentioned a couple of helpful things to see about getting them to go away. 30 minutes later I had already finished with a hot hot shower, a hot hot cup of decaf coffee and was stretched out on my left side on my couch. I basically needed to de-stress my body, warm it up, and change positions. I then drank water and peed for the next 2 hours straight (so as to make sure I was not dehydrated). I watched a couple of "16 and Pregnant" episodes on MTV and cursed all those preteen, unprepared, easy baby having moms. By then I was feeling better and decided that I could hold off on calling the on-call doctor until the morning (if I still felt like I needed it). I feel better already this morning with the exception of this head cold from hell.

  • How easy should I take it with the kids?
I have a small although not horrible confession to make here. I am a stay at home mom but I DO work from home. I watch 3 of my friends kids during the day along with my own to make a little extra money for our family. I have Graham who is 9 and at school most of the day so he doesn't count too much, Grady who is 2, another 2 year old, an 18 month old, and an 8 month old. Usually it's not bad at all if I can tune out all the noise! :) Lately though, its been getting harder and more complicated. It's incrediably hard to find a sitter to watch them all the 3 times a month when I go to the doctor and it's just going to get worse. I know that I will need to take at least of couple of days off to recover after the surgery but already I can tell that it's starting to be a hardship on my friends as I am their sole caregiver to their children when they go to work. This extra money that I bring in really does help my family out a lot but I'm wondering when and how to tell the parents that I just can't keep up anymore. Will I be better than ever after the cerclage where I  can just jump right back into my caregiving roll after just a brief hiatus??

  • When will the surgery be and what kind?
I still have not gotten a call back from the surgical coordinator at my doctors office. I called at 4:50 yesterday and left a message just in case she might have time to call before she left but she didn't. I know that they all pretty much work past 6... She would have to call no later than by today right??
 I know that there is 3 different cerclages that they can do and I'm thinking that it will be the most straight forward one ( The McDonald) that I'll have. I forgot to ask the doctor yesterday but will for certain today! Then Dr. Google will be on!

  • What kind of anesthesia will I have?
This makes me the most nervous of all. My specialist mentioned either a spinal or sedation. Both terrify me. I would be all for the spinal as I'm pretty sure general is not all that great for the baby but the last time they tried to start one on me (for the delivery of Caroline) it was 8 tries over an hour and a half and they could never get one going.

Thanks for hanging in there with me (if you are even still reading this post). I have soo much on my mind right now and I just had to get it out so I'd hopefully stop thinking so darn much.  Please send prayers for guidence for both me and the doctors over the next couple of days!!


Melanie Mueller said...

Oh Hillary! I can only imagine how fast your mind is racing!! I am so sorry! Hang in there girl! I say call the doctor!! It cannot hurt anything, maybe it will even ease your mind.
Love you tons!! Call me if you need me. Please!

Tristan said...

iwould be this way too..hope you get all the answers to our questions soon!!

honestly..i wouldn't be watching the other children..haha..too much stress.

The Great Elephant Symposium said...

Call your doctor and share your questions and concerns. I usually leave a message with the his nurse then get a call back at the end of the day with some answers.

I would already tell the kids parents only because you will be having the surgery soon and they should start planning on some alternatives while you are recovering.

Hang in there hun. I pray that god leads you and the doctors to the best answers and solutions. Thinking of you <3

The Anglin Family said...

I almost dont even know what to say. Anytime you feel that way or feel like maybe you should call the Dr. then call them if it makes you feel better. I wish not only with my pregnancy with Ryan but with my other ones that I had been more persistent. I am praying for answers for you. I am so sorry you are even having to worry about this. Go over all your fears with your dr. I had a horrible dr with Ryan and the face that he cared two craps less about her or me kind of made me scared to talk to him about anything...

The Anglin Family said...

And BTW, I watched 16 and pregnant last night and all I wanted to do was yell at the TV!!!!

Bobbi said...

Gosh, you have so much on your mind right now. I will continue to lift you up. :( I'm so sorry you're having to go through all of this!

Michele said...

Sending prayers...

I had a spinal with my cerclage. Have you researched the different ones? From what I've read and heard from other moms, the McDonald is the least invasive but has a higher failure rate if you are active. You might want the Shirodkar if you plan on continuing activities. My OB doesnt do a McD, only a Shir stitch; but most OBs only do McDs because they are quicker and easier.

Jamie said...

I am praying so hard for you! Please know that your in my thoughts and prayers and I just send tons of love your way. I'm so sorry that you are going through this right now but hang in there and stay as strong as possible...easier said than done but God is with you all the time.

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